Family Guy - Stewie Quotes | Family Guy | myphl17.com | WPHL-TV

Family Guy - Stewie Quotes

Victory shall be his!

Lois (to Stewie): Come on sweetie, eat your broccoli. It's good for you! Here comes the airplane! Stewie (to Lois): Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers!

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Stewie: "There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore."

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Lois: "Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?"
Stewie: "Why don't you burn in hell?"

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Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

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Stewie: "When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless."

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Stewie (To CPR baby): Well, I can't believe we just did that. Hmm, umm...but you know that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow. Umm...I forgot actually I have a thing. But...uhh you know you have my email address so drop me a line and I'll have yours. And uhh...we'll take it from there.

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Stewie: "Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb."

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Meg (about Peter being diagnosed as mentally retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

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Meg: "Everybody! Guess what I am?"
Stewie: "Hmm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?"

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Stewie: [after Brian walks in on Stewie shaving himself] Umm, feel free to say no to this but... would you mind shaving my coin purse?

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Stewie: "Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk."

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Stewie: "Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here!"